It’s Okay. We all can try again.

I used to think the purpose of a New Year’s resolution was to make it but never follow through. Growing up, it seemed like adults enjoyed the act of making far more than doing. In fact, few adults actually even tried: the tradition was rooted in the supposed reflection, and the traction was enough. I naively believed everyone diligently reflected on past actions and created a meaningful, though evaporating, set of resolutions. As I’ve aged, I’ve found how much I had to learn.

For 2018, I have two resolutions: more patience and first draft privileges. Though intertwined, they are different.

Sometimes, I forget learning new things can be hard. I spend most of my hours in my wheelhouse, building on previous wins; daily learning is subtle and nuanced and I rarely have to try something completely new. I wish I could spend hours reading books, or trying new activities. But by 5pm, I’m exhausted. My brain desires unplugging. And so, I resolve to be more patient with myself when I don’t live up to my own standards.

We are in a time when many people are having to learn new skills. It’s hard. Men are learning their default is sexist because men are socialized as such. People of all colors are learning our default is racist, requiring us to question our starting points. We are learning how deep inequity flows and how our society punishes the less fortunate. We clamor for equality while learning the costs of our privileges.

Tough things to learn for any human.

I therefore resolve to assume first draft when engaging with others. If learning is hard, and we are in a time of great learning, it is important to remember that few people are trying to hurt, you or themselves. Though impact matters rather than intention, we must never forget the intention. When someone says something hurtful, I’ll assume the impact did not fit the intention and offer the person the opportunity to revise compassionately.

In an age of bombast and insular xenophobia, I resolve to remember the one thing linking me with every other human: existence. To be patient with those I meet, to assume they have good intentions, and to offer each person I meet the brilliant, extraordinary, gift of being human.

I’m not sure my behavior will change. I’m not sure my resolutions are about behavior. Instead, I want to be present. I want to know that my actions are not simply reactions and that through patience and empathy I can make sure my responses are intentional. I will still defend myself and my values, but I want to ensure that each action is deliberate, and that my actions are a reflection of how I see myself rather than as a reaction to others.



Either way, the world spins madly on.


You’ll Pay In The End

I’m just getting over a cold. It’s lingered for a bit. I keep thinking it is done, but then *hack* or *cough*. It’s gross. I’ve even debated calling the doctor and getting something stronger than what’s at Walgreens.

I decided my immune system would make it, but I never worried if I could pay the doctor. See, I met my deductible so my healthcare is already “paid”. At least for the next month or so. And then I have to come up with a few thousand dollars in spending. It won’t be fun, but I’ll manage it.

For many Americans the deductibles are so high, they can’t reach them without going broke or skipping a necessity. They have insurance, but it doesn’t really kick in, and when it does, you’ve already put out more money than you likely bargained. A cold can bring economic insecurity.

I’m not sure I call that insurance nor would I say it’s accessible.

Most people reading this likely believe healthcare is a government issue. We may disagree on the extent, but most Americans support some form of government involvement. And, as we move towards a fully digitized world, we will have to manage longer living populations with lower infant mortality rates. The US will have to adjust its healthcare policy to accommodate the fiscal realities of an aging population. Universal healthcare is less a matter of “if” and more a matter of “when”. Expanding Medicare to include any health adult who wants it, would be a great way to achieve universal coverage.

Since millions can barely afford the status quo, a progressive funding scheme is necessary to fund this expansion. Broadening taxation and reducing spending would be ideal ways to balance the books. Spending can be reduced by closing some corporate tax deductions and reallocating subsidies for private insurance. Taxes can be raised on unhealthy consumption and medically unnecessary elective procedures (people will need to be free to consume medical procedures without government boundaries, but there can be an increased fee for the unnecessary x-ray, belly tuck, or bag of Cheetos). Further taxes can be raised on the general population to replace current premiums: many people will abandon private insurance, and those savings can be used to fund expanded coverage. If the tax is fiscally neutral for most Americans, expanding Medicare would be financially feasible. And yes, some of us may end up paying more than others. Some may put in more money than they might ever use. And so, what? If your neighbor’s house is burning, do you really bicker with yourself about having to use your hose and water to put it out? Those of us who would pay more are likely the same people who will profit from a healthier workforce. And even if we aren’t, what kind of country are we if we don’t invest in our collective safety? We have no problem investing in swords, so let’s also invest in medicine.  And if it comes down to spending, our military budget can be reduced by billions without harming out status as the highest-funded military.

The government should also find ways to lower the cost of healthcare for its citizens. Doctors in the US make considerably more money than doctors in the Western world on average, yet our health outcomes are lower than most of Western Europe. A Columbia University study found that in 2008 the average doctor in the US earned $186,582 while in Canada, a country with higher healthcare satisfaction, the average doctor earns $125,000. In the US, the average income after expenses for an orthopedic surgeon is $442,450. In France is it $154, 400. Though compensation disparities have myriad sources, government should take steps to stabilize the market, and an expansion of Medicare would help use market forces to drive down costs, broaden coverage, and potentially stimulate the market into creating more acost effective medical economy.

Expanded Medicare funded by a mix of taxes, spending reductions, and appropriation reallocation coupled with strong abuse regulations, could make universal coverage a reality for the United States.

Peculiar Flames Flickering

What is racism?

Now, before you answer that question, I want you to ponder how you, the individual, would choose to answer that question.

Would you go to the dictionary? Search your brain for a logical answer? Ask someone you know?

If you’d go to the dictionary, how do you know you can trust it?

If you’d search your brain, how do you know your answer is logical?

If you’d ask someone, how do you know they are speaking truth?

At this point, you might be a tiny bit irritated. Wondering where these questions are going. Please humor me, I promise I’m making a point.

I’m going to guess that if you’d go the dictionary, it’s because you know the dictionary is a tool to define words. But who made the tool?

I’m going to guess that if you’d have searched your brain, it’s because you’ve learned the answer to the question in a previous moment in life. But how do you know you learned correctly?

I’m going to guess that the person you’d ask would be someone who knows about the topic, or who is a trusted friend. But who taught them?

I hope you are starting to see where we are headed. Just humor me a little longer.

So, if the dictionary is a tool made by some people, is it objective?

If you learned the information, was it learned objectively?

If someone taught you the information, was the teacher objective?

So, really, the question should be: Do you believe yourself capable of objectivity? In other words, are you free from bias?

Are you sure?

What about your own bias? Think about it this way: you are the sum of your experiences. But also, the sum of how you experience. You are not just what happens to you, but how it happens to you. You learn what is taught to you through the tool of experience. But, like any tool, it’s the user that matters.

So, if life is a process of using tools, then is it possible to be objective? Or is what we call objectivity really a form of confirmation bias? Are we creatures of objectivity or bias?

So, how do you know what you know?? Let’s start over.


What is racism?

The dictionary gives a very simple answer: prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one’s own race is superior.

Our brains probably depict the KKK or Nazis.

Our teachers tell us it is stuff that existed largely in the past, and in small pockets today.

BUT I also know that Racism is systemic and institutional. That it’s passed down by parents to children in warnings to be safe or not date “those people”. It’s in redlining and “good districts”. It’s in poll taxes and “you speak so well!”. It’s in Jim Crow and mandatory minimums. It is at the heart of modernity; a product of extreme greed. It is born from fear. To justify owning slaves, racism was born. To justify slaughtering whole continents, racism was born. Not simply to slaughter or own, but for survival.

And that deep fear remains. It pervades American society, because we never unlearned it. It just became common sense; it became an objective truth. But really, it’s confirmation bias—we already believe something (the inferiority of lesser races) and that belief shapes reality.

It’s why we can’t agree on what racism is. It’s why we don’t think critically about race. Ever.

We can’t think critically. Too much of our existence is predicated on racism. It props up inherited wealth. It props up new wealth. It props up the model minority and talented tenth. It props up suburbs and gated communities. It props up American capitalism.


But it doesn’t have to. It’s a modern Plato’s Cave.

So, do we need to talk more about racism in education? Yes. Because the textbooks were created by people who lived in a racist society. Because the universities that trained them were occupied by people who lived in a racist society. Because it goes back through history, hand in hand with the racist society. In the past racism was akin to air or water: just a part of life and all that was ever known. And we are still in a racist society today.

Ask yourself how you know what you know. Think about who taught it to you. Think about how you learned it. What tools have you been given? Are they capable of doing what you think they are doing? Are there better tools out there that you have not yet learned about?

I’m telling you there are better tools. I’d be happy to help you learn how to use them. There is a big world to build outside the cave, and we could use your help. It might hurt at first, just like the light does when you exit a dark cave. You might want to run back, because your entire world was safer as a lie (confirmation bias!). And this is why we need to talk about racism in education: because when you return to the cave to get others, you stop making sense to them. You’re not capable of confirming the bias of the cave. How can you unshackle someone who wants to stay shackled? What if they won’t unlock themselves?

I don’t have a perfect answer for that, but it surely has not stopped me from trying.


Happiness is as Happiness does

I remember the first time I made a cup of tea. I can’t quite recall my first cup, but I do remember the first one I made. It was a simple Lipton tea bag. Enveloping, but with a little bite. Sort of the way fall becomes winter. Or that telling itch when the bath was drawn just a little too hot. Every cup thereafter becomes a subtle re-creation attempt.

I try to expand the moment before the tea touches my tongue. Breathe it in. Slowly. Deliberately. It takes a few moments, but it forces me to slow down much the way a mom does an energetic toddler. This slowness is fertile ground for reflection, and I often reflect on how fortunate I am, and how grateful I am for that fortune.

Gratitude and humility are actionable goals I seek to model every day. Though the process of gratitude and humility may be uncomfortable and difficult, those feelings are a necessary part of building happiness, and it gets easier with practice. I am grateful for the souls reading these words. I hope these words edify you. I hope they bring happiness.

Remembering the wonder of the moment helps center my thoughts, as humility opens us to ourselves. But I often fail to remain centered. I often over-think, because too much of my happiness is gained from winning assurances from society. Once you get the job, you have to keep it. Once you get the bonus, you have to get it next year. Once you get a promotion, you have to snag a better one within three.

This is the cost. Different lives have different costs. This is the one I choose. 

So, to reclaim my time on days where gratitude and humility fail to center my perspective, I follow my heart and indulge myself while honoring the gratitude I have for my health.

I take a hot soak every other day, lingering past the point of pruney digits. I eat the extra scoop of ice cream, and the extra slice of pie…or cake. I run the extra mile. I nap for a few more minutes and buy the boots in the window. I remember that everyone, no matter where they are from wants to feel loved, a sense of purpose, valued, and heard.

And I try to forgive myself. To remember that good things often bite a little. That asking forgiveness is an indication of strength, just like taking a few moments to breathe deeply helps us with the most time consuming tasks.

But most importantly, I remind myself there is wonder in the world. It’ll always be there, I just have to find it. And most of the time, it can be found during an impromptu dance party on my bed, or in the kisses my dog gives me when negotiating a few more minutes of play, or in my niece’s laugh. It can be found on the beaches when I crossed items from my bucket list, or in the rainstorms I was completely ill-prepared to handle. It can be found watching children grow up, and in the deepest recess of my darkest fears.


I find happiness when I take the moment to check-in with the little boy who wanted to be an astronaut, and ask him what he’d like to do today. And doing just that.


He is just as cool as I remember, and the tea tastes just as good to him too.



“What are you watching? Those are pretty dresses!” My niece has entered the room with her nose in my business.
“RuPaul’s Drag Race.”
“Rude Paul?”
“RuPaul sings!”
“Yup, you remember”
“But why is he in girls clothes?”
‘Because he is playing pretend. He likes the pretty dresses and hair”
“Boys can do that?”
“Yup, and so can girls. Anyone can play pretend”
And that was all it took for my five year old niece to understand Drag Queens.

Now, I fully understand her understanding is contextual: she loves to dress up too. She seemed very satisfied that adults can still dress up and pretend. BUT the nimbleness of her mind is evidence that the rigid social lines of the past were mostly constructed and imposed rather than inherent and natural. I grew up thinking sex and gender were basically the same thing. Girls had vaginas and that meant they were different. Since the difference was clear, it made sense that other differences must exist between the sexes.

It was not until college that I began to learn how little I knew. Apparently what is taught in grade school is not the full truth, and it requires sophisticated nuance to understand the science behind sex and gender. It turns out sex isn’t just male/female either– the spectrum is quite vast! Chromosomal diversity helps us see the realities beyond XX and XY.

So, if we have more than XX and XY, that must mean our social evolution is on a spectrum. Today, many young people are like my niece: anyone can be anyone they want. If I want to wear a dress, nothing about me changes. If I want wear a blazer, nothing about me changes.

AND perhaps we see the breakdown of arbitrary gender orientations because our parents raised us to think we could do anything.

If I can do anything, how could it be possible that my gender has some inherent restriction on possibility.

Now, some will say that men are stronger than women. Sure, that is generally true. BUT I also know we socialize women to avoid activities that build strength. So, is it the chicken or the egg?

And even if men are stronger than women, there is no reason to deny a woman anything without giving her an equal try– she should fail on her own merits, not that of an arbitrarily delineated grouping. I recently saw that the Navy Seals had their first female qualify. This is a good thing, and shows that gender means little.


And it should mean little.

We should be who we are at our cores.

BUT tradition dies hard. Some scholars argue the “gender gap” began with the move from hunter/gatherer to agrarian civilizations. Women played an equal role while tribes were mobile. Once tribes settled permanently, brute strength became more necessary leading to male dominance and patriarchy.

This makes tremendous sense. It is further supported by the “crisis of masculinity” occurring today. Civilization has shifted from the brute strength of men to the finesse of women. The rigid gender binary has swung sides: traditionally feminine skills are in demand.

And so now men are suffering (and growing beards).

But millennials are bucking that trend. Younger men are starting to reject the toxic masculinity that demands so much from them.

Younger women are blossoming and taking over.

What I see is a messy process where men and women are starting to view themselves on a spectrum– where you are not masculine or feminine, but rather just …a person with interests. And our parents aren’t sure how to handle it all the time. But they do love us. And they want us to love ourselves.


Cause, if you can’t love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love someone else?

Nothing you can say will change my mind.

Ignorance is bliss.

When you hold onto what you believe, you can dismiss anything comfortably. This comfort is the heart of ignorance.

But it is that comfort that stagnates life.

Climate Change? Discomfort, therefore it isn’t real.
Globalization? Discomfort, therefore it must be stopped.
Privilege? Nah, if that were true then I did not earn my space in life, and that is discomforting.
Systemic Inequity? The Constitution says we are equal, so I don’t have to feel guilty when outcomes are not equal. It’s pretty uncomfortable winning a rigged game, but winning is good, so the game can’t be rigged. I mean, who wants to feel bad? I’m a good person, therefore what I do must be from a good place.

Perhaps this explains why so many people enjoy ignorance: they would prefer to hold their beliefs rather than be correct. More specifically, they would prefer to think of themselves as correct than to actually be correct.

And for a while, information was contextualized by environment. You likely knew the same things your neighbors did, and few things beyond that. A sort of “common sense” that unfortunately still pervades our culture.

Yet now we live in a world where information has few ideological gatekeepers. The Internet has allowed younger generations to question the beliefs forced on them.

Millennials embrace many of the taboos of the past because they have engaged in a form of life-long learning not available to previous generations. Today, children can question their upbringing and surroundings by checking the super computer in their pockets. My father relied on the collective beliefs of his community. His information was funneled through his community. It was easy to have a simple life with simple things: a predictable life. You knew what you knew and it would always be what you knew. But now? You have to prove it. You have to answer “why?” And many non-millennials struggle to answer that question, especially managers and executives. “That’s just how we do it” doesn’t hold up in a learning-driven world with open sourced information.

Learning helps us to answer why. It gives us the opportunity to check our starting points. See what we think of the world and our place in it.

As I reflect on my recent graduation from Graduate School, I realize how powerful learning is, and how necessary it will be for our culture to embrace learning over beliefs and truth over opinion.

Unfortunately it can take a lifetime of learning to figure out the difference.

What’s the speed limit again?

It is beautiful. Clear, crisp, and blue. The sky is reminding me the world I occupy is beautiful. I can hear the birds sing. The cars that pass by push warm air around my body. I can feel the moisture in the air evaporate as the sun gains strength.

buzzzzz buzzzzzz

I can feel the vibrations.

beep ding boop

I can hear the sounds.

I know each’s meaning the way I know the difference between a nauseated gurgle and a ravenous growl.

I adjust my pocket to silence the sounds. I put on sunglasses to block the rising sun.

As I walk down the hill, a multigenerational family enters my field of vision. A 30-something and his wife are engaged in conversation with an older set of adults, who I surmise are his parents. Shortly behind them follow four pitter-pattering feet attached to four skinny legs belonging to two adolescents. Clearly annoyed, their eyes lift only enough to ensure physical equanimity: heads lost in a digital cloud.

“…why don’t you take out YOUR phone and tells us what direction IT says to go, because MINE says we should keep going straight….”, I catch the son saying to his mother, as he gesticulates up the hill, phone in hand. The mother looks annoyed, the way your mom does when you suggest she doesn’t know how to use something. You know that look. The dawdling adolescents exchange knowing giggles.

Until the smartphone arrived in the 2000s, this performance was the province of fantasy. Prior, humans had long envisioned the world of tomorrow and its technological delights: robots, personal assistants, and sensory integrated appliances (I’m not sure Smell-o-Vision will EVER be a good idea). Now, these interactions are normative representations of intergenerational reliance and community.

The Information Superhighway has revolutionized human life, has undeniably upended human existence, and radically accelerated human potential. Our Internet of Things puts us closer to the Jetsons than we might imagine.

But, this revolution has its costs.

Like any highway, the cars are not all the same. Some clunk along while others zip along, engines humming a soft purr. Some people are able to go out and purchase a more fitting vehicle; many a senior citizen adeptly navigates cyberspace. But most people are living on a fixed income; many seniors rely on the generosity of younger family and friends, a fact constantly portrayed in the media. I mean, you KNOW that look.

We are all connected, but we are not on the same page. This revolution has its bloody and dark underbelly: billions of people have cars that cannot get on the highway. These old cars were designed for byways and throughways, but not super highways. These old cars are made for local routes, hidden trails, and off-road beauty; they lack the sophisticated sensors and mechanisms to make sense of the revolution’s new language. For some, what was up is now down. What was right is now wrong. That the Fourth Industrial Revolution’s occurrence coincides with a potentially fatal contraction for Globalization is telling. That we are more connected than ever while facing the rise of nationalistic government is foreboding.

I wonder what other unintended consequences lurk around the bend.